when right and wrong tangle
by Dragonflyes
Summary: Light gets a chance to start over. Time travel. Maybe slight Light x L
1. Chapter 1

forgive me for the outrageous spelling mistakes

As his blood was leaking through the stairs then dripping on the floor, the sunset slowly took place.

Red sky projected warm light, reflecting the floor, fading as darkness took over.

Light's breath mildly became evenly and as his consciousness drifted away his eyelids began to fall.

A black haired man stood in front of him in a loose pull and jeans.

L

 _Am I hallucinating ? Or do you want see this for yourself ?_ he wondered with disdain

The man's hair covering his eyes, Light couldn't see them.

 _Good. I don't want to see it. Your expression of triumph or whatever._

But L didn't smirked, he didn't even to seem pleased.

He didn't judge.

Light felt a pang in his chest. He remembered while L was his enemy, he was also, in a way, his friend, the only he through worthy.

But maybe that was just his imagination.

A second later his heart struck

Light's eyes didn't widen. He didn't fight.

As the light fade away, the quiet breathing stopped.

Silence fell in the hangar.


	2. confusion

Darkness.

He saw nothing, felt nothing. Everything seemed blurred, not entirely black but enough not to allow him to distinguish the dark masses in front of him.

Seven of them, moving fluidly, particles getting loose and putting back in place

Weird place

He could hear them, saying something distant, arguing.

 _« let it...back »_

 _« ….still dangerous... »_

 _« new chance...regrets...better than... »_

 _«...too many death »_

 _« friend »_

 _« L »_

Then he lost counciousness

* * *

His mind was fuzzy, he stired inconsciously.

This time it wasn't so dark, a smothered light was wrapping him. His skin touched softness as once it had in the old days. Like in his bed..

 _Wait a minute-_

He immediatly got up, eyes snapped open only to fall in a moment of dizziness. Straightening himself, he observed everything in front of him.

And his mind went blank.

He was sat on his own old bed, next to his desk with notebooks and a computer spread on it and a full bookcase, the morning glow making it a illusory sight.

The relaxing athmosphere didn't last and shock turned into panic.

He breathind hard, jerky near hyperventilating. Pespiration bagan to roll heavily and limbs to shake, eyes widen.

He died, didn't he ? What is this ? An illusion ? An after life ? He couldn't be possibly alive with the _bloodrushinheverywher-_

He put a hand on his heart.

He could feel it, the wetness, the hole, the excruciating pain all over his chest and his life drifting away.

He could feel that he was shot

Hysteria began to rise, yet he closed his eyes.

 _Breath_

It took a while to calm the terror, the confusion as he inhale slowly, evenly.

After long minutes of internal struggle, he mildly opened his eyes and carefully stood up. Pushing himself on a weak foot, he walked silently to the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror.

It was him, but not his usual reflection. He was a bit shorter and his skin was smoother. He looked younger, perhaps in his hightschool teens.

The lasts events ticked in hi head.

It seemed so real, he throught inspecting different inclinatons of his face.

 _A few years younger, and I still have this handbook..._

He stilled then fling himself to his bedroom, his desk. He carefully opened the drawer.

The deathnote wasn't here.

...What was the date again ?

He searched the desk and rapidly found his phone.

23/11/20XX

...Wasn't that a schock ?

He's been thrown into the past the very same day he found the deathnote ? Or wasn't it all just an illusion ? No, it has been too real for that.

But if it was not some hallucination, there must be some reason behind all of this, surely there was ? Does it mean he has a second chance to pick the deathnote up and start everything again ? To succed over L, Mello and Near ?

He felt something unpleasant in his innards.

He didn't feel like it, he was confused...

 _I mean, I feel cear the way I haven't in a long time...As if something was befuddling my mind...I..._

 _I'm not sure anymore_

 _I'm just confused._

Could the deathnote have some control over him ? Maybe, it could explain...

His throat tightened as he felt biterness and fear. He has been so ruthless, he didn't care of anything blocking his path, he just killed them.

And he still lost.

With a sigh he sat down on his bed.

This time could be different, kira didn't exist, Misa was still a silly idol (he felt a bit bad, remembering how he treated her, she was just a child) and he still held his father pride.

L is still alive

He wouldn't even come to Japan, wouldn't he ? Light was musing about the possibilities of their meeting when He heard Sayu downstairs.

« Light oni-chan ! You're missing breakfast ! » She chirped.

He stood on his feet, feeling being a stranger to himself and walk with a fake slight smile.

He had time to think, and nothing is try to kill him here.

He could push back things for later.

* * *

He was wandering in the streets at a slow pace without destination in mind. He had so much to ponder on...and yet he didn't want to.

His loss made him feel tired, empty.

His whole quest made him feel empty, his role of righter of wrongs and his ruthlessness then his loss made him feel worn out.

(He felt a little bad, it was still hard to belive he killed so much for justice when he's now just so confused)

His mission ? He can relucantly admit that's something he came up with himself out of desperation.

Contrary to his future (past), he can't feel as weightened. No murder, no dedective. No suspicions upon himself

He could be... the plain him.

Light.

Just another charismatic genius.

Lost in his musing, he didn't notice his surrounding, but as the street seemed too familliar, he stopped. Did he come here deliberately... ? Did he want the death note ? To redo a so called war between righteousness and evil ? He felt so tired.

 _Maybe this isn't what I was here for..._

The dearly ambition of his past life...The deathnote was tempting, it has always been. The power to make the world kneel in front of you.

(Righteousness is made by the winner)

Did he want it ? With his memories he would be unstoppable. He wouldn't do his old mistakes. He would let Misa ignorant, he would play the anti-Kira team, he would easily beat Watari and L, then Mello and Near.

 _The back of a black haired man, calling him his friend._

 _Idiot._

Tempting, but tiring...and wrong.

Why did he want to be a god in the first place ? He breathed a shaky laugh. His shoulders slumped and he gave a sigh. What is 'wrong' when you're not even sure of what's 'right'...

His head fell back. Blue sky overhung the city, a quiet peace seemed to let him chose his future.

He closed his eyes.

Then turned back and walked away.


	3. step back

Sitten on a chair, a book on his lap while toying with a pen one one hand. Peacefully.

He actually surprised himself enjoying his new life. Without an obsession, he began feeling lost so he tried to interest himself in things he would never have looked upon before.

As litterature, for a start.

Not that he didn't like it before, but he mostly classed it as basic general knowledge or even pointless as it didn't help reaching his objectives.

And while some books seemed to be filled with frivolous emotions, he did enjoy reading, getting even more and more interesting the more he read. As if his loss and slight breakdown let him open to...new perspectives. As if he could now truly understand (and even relate with, was he honest) what the characters let on, the doubt on their choices, their anger and despair.

(reading people's lifes being wreaked havoc somewhat relieved him)

So yeah, litterature was a good start.

 _-trying to repair himself without being shattered yet he didn't hear the screams he didn't saw the blood-_

He shooked his head. Nothing to muse about.

He spent more time with Sayu and took time spraking with his mother, realizing his family really loved him.

(He didn't have time for affection the first time)

Of course he still put the mask of the popular genius and well mannered student, but mostly not to attract attention by behaving differently.

He felt...different. His smiles were more genuine and sometimes awkard, the mask was still there but less prononced. Not hungry for recognition, power or whatether else, he didn't have the motivation for being perfect all the time. It was strange, being better with his body language -because heavily practiced- but backing it up with real emotions.

Strange...But not enough to shake off his boredom.

Because yes, being carried in the past was incredibly boring, school lessons already done and events being the same.

And without _something_ to goad his growing restlessness...

So litterature, and Kira.

Kira

Kira was back.

He was hardly suprised he didn't change the flow of history, but when mysterious criminals' death -heart attack- arose, he did looked it up in the papers.

The death note waiting out there it seemed that someone had picked it up. The only facet he had been shocked about is that only criminals died.

It seemed someone took over his struggle with justice.

Which was pretty ironic.

Wasn't he send in the past in order not to repeat massacre path ? Not that he was complaining, it was still better for murderers to die rather than innocents. But somehow it annoyed him, if just a little. Did this new Kira actually thought he could prevail over the police ? The anti Kira division ? Over L ? (not that everyone of them was execptional, he thought of Matsuda...)

Well, it would at least be...worthwhile to watch the show, knowing or guessing what would happen next.

He smiled (smirked) and went back to his book, neither missing the startled look or the blush of the girl on the other side of the table.

Hum, he didn't lose his touch, even when he wasn't trying anymore. But he wouldn't try his luck, because a) it was too much pain for what it was worth and b) if, by any chance, Misa were to get in conctact with him he didn't want ,by misplaced jealousy, a dead girl on his arms.

He sighed. The uncertain future could be entertaining to watch but it might be bothersome if he got dragged in the whole case.

He just has to wait.

.

.

« Oni-chan, you know ? You've been different lately » Sayu said blitherly.

Light, Sayu and Sachiko were having dinner, Sochiro missing but possibly coming. Without their father, Sayu and their mother liked gossiping. This time though their chat was aimed on her brother.

Light rose an elegant eyebrow

« And why is that ? »

« Well it's kinda silly but you look...Less Light-Light ? I mean, you're you but less diven ? Like it's okay not to do _everything_ perfectly. Yeah I know ! Light is lighter ! » A blossom laught spread, Sayu overjoyed by her own pun.

Outwardly he didn't show anything besides bemusment but he was inwarbly a little stunned. He knew he behaved a little differently, but to the point Sayu noticed ? And lighter ? Seriously ? Only his sister really...

He guessed his behaviour really changed, as he didn't make an attempt to focus on law or righteousness as before... He didn't even care now.

He smiled fondly

« I guess I was focusing on my studies a tad too much, but we have less assigments lately so I have time for other things, as your unfinished math homework for tomorrow. »

Sayu pouted and his mother warmly laughted then lightly reprimended her. Amusement present in both of their twin eyes.

See ? So easily fooled.


	4. breaching

He was at the library once again. He like it there, the peace and quiet. No stress, no fierceness

no anger no pain-

His therapy

(breath in

breath out)

No need for useless emotions, espacially after the semi confrontation with his father.

His eyes narrowed.

* * *

 _Late in the evening. Dinner wit his family, with his father for once. Sachiko talking, her soothing voice relaxing her husband._

 _A scrap of voice emerging._

« Light didn't try helping with your cases lately... Are you okay dear ? »

Soichiro looked up for that

« It's true I haven't seen my son for a while now, is something going on ? »

Three twins of eyes were on him. He inwardly sighed and put down his chopsticks.

Better getting over this.

« Actually I've been thinking, and I am not sure I want to make my carreer in the NPA... Or the police for that matter. »

A careful silence spread around the table .

Then two, three beats after Soichiro hesintantly spoke up.

« What made you change your mind ? You've always been so eager starting working. Did something happened- ? »

Even Sayu was watching him with round eyes.

« Not really, I believe I've always been a little hasty about my career choice. I've never considered anyting else, I am just looking for new prospects. » Light reassured them.

A stunned silence hung up in the air. It seemed the direct approach was too shocking.

He sighed.

« I don't mean I'm completly opposed working with you dad. » Light softly informed, « I'm only saying I need time to ponder about it. I can't exactly rush over my life choices. »

« Of course Light » hurried his father, « I mean, I've never wanted to force it on you. It's just... You always had a strong sense of justice. »

* * *

Light snapped his book.

 _You always had a strong sense of justice_

He's been perfectly polite and kind afterward. With is mask firmly in place no one in his family would suspect a thing.

 _I'm proud of you son_

Anger simmered deep down inside of him.

(he didn't know if it was aimed at his father or himself, it was just _there_ )

 _I am justice_

Despite the itching need of throwing the book against the wall or somebody ( the throught of someone being hurt right now was sickly enjoyable) he unclenched his teeth and took a long breath.

Calm

He couldn't keep on like this. People's stupidity, boredom and nightmares were suffocating him. At first the suprise and the joy of a new beggining distracted him, but now it was gone and the reminder from his father-

 _-because of justice-_

-he couldn't keep on.

He was lost having nothing to cling onto and he couldn't live like this because he didn't have his _answer_. What was justice anyway ? A truth ? A person ? A foolish wish ?

He can remember now why he first took the deathnote. It was a necessary need having a goal to survive in such pathetic place. Even better when you were trying fixing it no matter the means used.

But he hadn't picked it up here and he didn't want repeating the same mistakes anyway.

(no matter how pathetic and wrong is one person, murdering him-

-isn't justice)

So he would search for it even he was only losing his time. Because litterature was not enough and boredom was _hell_ and he's so _lost he would do something._

He inwardly sighed

His next steps would not be very legal or ethical. He dissmissed the unease. At this point he didn't care, he just would have not to be caught.

 _I am proud of you Light_

He didn't want to attract the attention of L, nor the anti-kira dvision's. That was fin, he was far too smart for that.

Exitement rose in his chest, it was freeing feeling all the weights clinging on his shoulders falling behing him. He had... an objective, something to look for- the lack of killing was oddly reassuring.

He let out a small breath.

This therapy would work.

.

.

.

.

.

(It was okay to break the rules, he only had not to lose his mind. He was not the same after all, he already died once.

He would not kill. He would not judge.

He just wanted to know )

* * *

The next day he went to visit a particulary shady bar and had an interesting discussion with one of the regulars. Offering him a propsition he couldn't refuse, he got to meet his boss – a shark loan – and then the next upper in the hierarchy.

They never got his name, nor a picture of his face.

Once he got enough data around the lower part of this yakuza family he went to meet another one, exchanged pieces of information and then sell the first one to the police, falsifying words to cover himself up.

And even if he knew the ones arrested wouldn't be judged well accordingly although he spent weeks gathering enough evidences for them to receive long term sentences, it was still exhilarating.

Who knew plain blackmail, sweet words and hacking skills could be so efficient ?


	5. new pawn

It was around december now and despite the bitting cold of winter's arrival was a reminder of the soon events, he felt at peace.

The mist he breathed was mingling with the bustle of the street. He watched as couples huddled together and stopped in front of a giant embellished fir.

Ah, he remembered now, it was soon christmas eve.

He's been so occupied between being the perfect son and growing his yakuza/criminal network he didn't pay attention the rising festive ambiance. He noticed, sure. But didn't realize. He had never been attentive to thes kind of things, had he ?

All these happy feeling and courtesies on a ridiculous celebration had felt pointless.

And it still did.

But it probably didn't for his family. (not that Soichiro would mind, he's never here)

Standing motionlessly before the christmas tree he couldn't help but staring. The lights were glowing in the night, bright red and dark green interwoven with hundreds of shining bulbs illuminating the street.

Pointless, but attactive.

Inexplicable confusion and – there was sadness ? - rushed in his mind and for the first time in weeks, he felt slightly lost.

(It didn't happen lately 'cause he kept himself busy but sometimes when he doubts he couldn't help but wonder why he's doing all of this as everything would result in nothing in the end because he still didn't know, like when he killed and _killed_ andfelt warm _creeping out of his body_ -)

He let out a shaky laugh.

He wondered if it's what people called loneliness.

* * *

Days passed and while christmas's ambiance was spreading, people had only one subject of discussion : Kira. As its method were either supported or condemned, Light quickly hacked the NPA data base and confirmed the police were as clueless as they were in his memories. Not that could surprise him anymore. Neither he was surprised when Fake L started speaking on the TV while Sayu and he were playing a board game in the living-room under the amused gaze of their mother.

Or tried to at least, since he barely had the time of introducing himself and then yap on Kira's evilness before he suddenly collapsed and died.

Hun. This new kira was rash.

Then the real L began explaining his deception and Light was sure he could hear the smugness in his voice. He inwardly smiled at the screen, it was so like _him_.

« Careful Light, your love is showing » Sayu commented slyly

Light's eyes snapped at her. She had a cheeky smile but a twinkle in her eyes made him wary. He raised an elegant eyebrow.

« And why would you say that ? » He inquired. Her smile widened.

« Come one oni-chan, he's like the best detective in the world. A living challenge for your oh so great mind. Besides you were eye-fucking- »

« Sayu ! » Sachiko exclaimed.

« -the screen so deeply I guess he caught your attention. » She added nodding, hiding a smirk.

Light blinked. This... was his sister ? He couldn't remember a time she would be so vulgar, or perceptive for that matter. It was rather disturbing (had he miss something ?) but also refreshing. He would look into that later.

« Even if he did, I highly doubt we would ever meet » He maturely answered

« Riiight » Sayu giggled. He paused.

« What ? »

« Nothing. It not like any circumstances could ever bring ou two together... » She sighed before walking toward her romm. She let her gaze meet her brother's « … Nor if you wanted to, you could find him. »

« I am honored you have so much faith in my skills » He replied dryly. His mother laughed and Sayu grinned.

« Well I gotta believe in my brother awesomeness » She walked away again.

« We didn't finish the game ». Light reminded

« Meh, I already lost. And that's just proving my point ! »

Light watched her with a bemused smile. Her behaviour, while still cheerful, was nothing like before and seriously lacked the naive innocence he remembered. She was more...More and even shared jokes he was very unimpressed with.

Not that he minded, the closeness and lack of politeness was securing him, like an anchor to his rationality. It almost felt like... home.

(He would never admit he missed the innapropriate honesty from a certain black head)

* * *

Days later he was being followed. And that was just cute.

He noticed it on the way of school, his paranoia and acute senses detected the FBI agent three blocks after he left home.

As worthless the agent could be he still was an impediment to his afternoon meeting with the newphew's lover of a very interesting individual. (a lot of money and close ties with both firms and yakuzas, a messenger... ?)

So the sneaking rat was an annoyance, but not one he couldn't get rid of, he mused while eating.

A breeze reached him and he suppressed a shiver. It was starting to get too cold to eat outside. He inwardly frowned. While he still played the social and perfect light, the farce sometimes suffocaded him, so he would just eat alone around the school during lunchbreak. He got up and made his way to the entrance, no need to catch a cold. Then his gaze connected with a girl's. Her large round eyes seemed to make her equally surprise meeting him here too.

He could vaguely remember her... A shy girl from the class next door, always behind her group of friends. Like a poor substitute.

He smiled. She would be perfect.

« Hello Tanaka-san » he placidly greeted.

She squeaked a muttering. Oh this will be easy.

« I a sorry to bother you but could I ask a favor ? » He asked sweetly.

She froze. Then opened her mouth and closed it. Without making a sound.

He inwardly snorted. He could read her entire mind on her common face, neither ugly or pretty with a blop of black hair and dark eyes. She lacked of anything particular.

Which was why she would be useful.

He softened his smile.

« My sister's birthday is coming soon and I have trouble choosing her a gift... » She nodded, unsure of where it was going. He kept going « Would you help me picking her a present for her ? » _For me ?_ went unsaid.

She froze again. He didn't let her the chance to speak her mind.

« Great, then I'll fetch you at the end of the classes. » He joyfuly answered for her, then walked back to class.

He could almost feel her gaping at his back.

As if she ever had a choice.

* * *

« Umh... Where should we go Y-Yagami-san ? » She quietly asked, clearly not used calling him by his name.

Right to his words he picked her after class just after the last bell rang. It made her classmates whispering in wonder and curiosity since Akane Tanaka had always been a boring and shy girl, the least one noticable of her group of friends.

He expertly smiled at them. The whispers heightened.

Great.

Back to the present, he gently put a hand on her shoulder (not without noting her small twitch) and led her to an electronic store. While the little trip was only a mascarade he still needed proof to legitimate this pretext..

Surprisingly shy girl was ressourceful in those and he ended purchaching a pair of blue headphones. Then he led her to a cafe that earned him a bemused gaze. They sat down and he assured her it was his treat despite her blushing protests.

Once they settled enough he dared coming to the breaking point of their sortie.

« Tanaka-san, thank you for helping me out. But I actually had a special reason to ask you out. You se someone is... Well, stalking me. This person -a girl I suppose- has been following me for some time now. »

« Ah okay » shy girl replied

… _..what ?_

Light blinked. Shy girl didn't even seem surprised. He stared at her until she blushed.

« Well it's not like you'd like to hang out with me and you don't even do with you friends ! »she quickly added

« ...Why would you say that ? » He asked, mildly put out.

« Y-You almost never hang out with them and always held them an arm away... But since they put you on a pedestral t-then it's normal to them. And you're to nice- » She abruptly stop, a quick flash of panic came out of her gaze, disapearing instantly.

Before she could withdrawing into herself he rose a hand, encouraging her to continue..

He didn't even bother hiding his curiosity.

She swayed hesitantly on her seat.

« People are usually nice for a reason Yagami-san... and yours seems to obtain recognition, to be the best. » She quietly ended. Her head down and the shoulders tense, it was almost like she expected an outpouring of vilence from him.

Ah, he was wrong. Shy wasn't her problematic feature. It wasn't even close, her behaviour spoke for something very worse. As if every single word she says has to be acceptable, if not a punishment...

Not shy, lost. Afraid to say the wrong thing, she can't talk to normal people. Doesn't know how to talk.

Because she was raised a... particular way, she's lost in the normal world.

 _A traumatism_

He offered her a grim smile.

« This is quite a resoning you have here, Tanaka-san » He said in a cool voice, but not threatening, never threatening « But even if you recite it to you... well « friends », I doubt the would believe you »

« I-I was never going to tell them ! Or anyone ! » she righteously hissed « And don't mock me, I... I am not good at making friends »

« So I noticed. » He gave her a small smirk.

He obverved with mild curiosity the small widening of her eyes and the sharp intake of breath both revealing anger. He wondered if she would be predectible then.

 _Did he like watching my reactions too ?_

Ah, back to the matter.

« But that's easily correctable » he mildly pointed out.

« Ah ? » Anger turning into confusion.

« Yes, I need a cover for my little trips and you don't like to be alone. And since I already made clear our friendship in your class, your so-called friends will either turn against you or use you to get close to me. While the first wouldn't not concern me, the second is not an option. I don't like useless annoyances » He explained sharply.

Her pale face and small frown made clear she didn't like either way. He continued.

« But then I could take you under my wing. We would spend time together, which is perfect for hanging out, and I don't believe you would say anything compromising to anyone. » _Because it wouldn't be any use for you and if you do, I would crush you_

She looked down and they stayed in silence, neither of them breaking it.

« I don't understand » She finally said after long minutes.

Light graciously lowered his cup of coffee on its saucer.

« What is it ? » He patiently asked

« You have people who admire you, willing to do anything for you. Why don't you ask them ? Or your friends ? »

« I have other use for them » he said after considering, « I don't like mixing my priorities. »

« Liar » She softly said.

His eyes sharpened.

« I don't expect you to tell me anything. But please don't lie to me like this, it's... » Her murmur was lost in the air.

Neither of them tried to breach the silence for a while. Outside the sun was setting down and the street lamps brightened.

He shadowed his eyes.

« I'll try » he finally answered « Though I expect you to hang out when I need and tell me if anything out of the ordinary happens. If anyone ask you about this, keep it silent. Fortunatly your shy demeanour will make it natural. »

« I-I'm not shy ! It's just- » she protested

« Uneasy around people, I know. But they don't. Keep it this way. » He calmy cut her off. She frowned.

« Are you suggesting I shouldn't get close to anyone but you ? » _Being alone when you're not there ?_

« Don't worry, I'll be with you most of the time » He reassured her with a pleasant smile. She couldn't help but blush.

« Shameless people like you shouldn't exist... » she muttered.

He faked a hearty laugh and got up. Putting the correct amount for both of them on the table, he sent her a dazzling smile and finally spoke.

« See you tomorrow, Akane »

She glared indignantly but her cheeks pinked so he won.

Heading toward the kitchen, he slipped through a slightly hidden bak door leading to the west street. Having memorized most of the buildings' plans in a past life, he easily made his way to his appointement.

The little rat never stood a chance.


End file.
